So lately in my life, the topic of modesty has come up. I've had many discussions on what it really is and why we do/don't need it in our lives. A lot of people think that females should cover up their bodies so they don't "tempt" the males in their life to think sexual thoughts about them. (I also have thoughts on this, which I will talk about in a different blog.)
The thing I've noticed, is that a woman can cover her body from head to toe and a man will still look at her with lust.
So my question is, why would the clothing I wear have anything to do with keeping a man in the right if he'll always look at me with lust?
The answer is, it doesn't.
We have no control over what people think of us, good, or bad. But we do have control over looking inside of ourselves and asking, "Why do I want to wear this?"
This is where the concept "The Heart Behind The Clothes" comes in. It doesn't talk about what level of modesty the clothes on your body are, it talks about what level of modesty your heart is at.
Now you're probably thinking, "What does modesty and my heart have do with any of this?"
What I believe is that with every action or word there is a motivation behind it, and clothes are no exception.
Let's say you put on a low cut shirt because you think it's really cute, or it's your favorite colour.
Now let's switch it up. You are at a store and you see this low cut shirt and you want to buy it because you think it will bring a lot of attention to your chest, or because it will make you look super sexy.
See what I am getting at?
Same piece of clothing, two different motives.
Now I do want to address the fact that I'm not saying that you can't feel beautiful in the clothing you're wearing.
God gave you a beautiful body, and he gave people the wisdom to make clothing that will fit your body. The clothing should make you feel like you.
What he doesn't want you to do is to sell yourself short and to wear clothes that you feel will get a guys sexual attention.
The attention you get will make you feel empty, because that kind of attention is transferrable. You can be sure that the same wrong sexual thoughts that a boy has about you, he will have about the next girl that walks down the street.
God wants you to know that he loves you and thinks you are beautiful, and he has made a man for you that will love you and see that beauty through God's eyes of love. That kind of admiration is not transferrable, but instead it is as specific and special as the person it is given to.
The beauty that man will see will transcend the clothing you wear, it is a product of how amazing God has made you.
As always, relationship defines behavior.
The word sexuality and the word marriage should be interchangeable.
If you are married, the person you are married to is your sexuality, and is your only sexuality.
If you are married, you then should see everyone else around you as a brother or sister, and if you are single you should see everyone who is married as your brother or sister.
There are many people who say that you can't make that happen, that you can never see anyone whom you are not related to as a brother or sister.
But that simply isn't true.
Imagine if you meet someone of the opposite sex and you find them attractive, and you both start talking. As you start talking you find that you were both adopted, and as you delve deeper into the subject you find many similarities on the details of your birth parents. Then you both come to find out, you are actually siblings.
I can guarantee you, you would no longer find that person attractive what so ever.
But the repulsion of a romantic relationship with that person wasn't from years of living together, but the mindset of, "this is my sibling."
If a mindset can be changed from "potential mate" to "this is my sibling" so quickly in that specific situation, it can in every other situation as well.
I would like to address that the understanding of someone's beauty or handsomeness isn't a bad thing either when you are in a married relationship as long as you see them as your brother or sister, and that their attractiveness is for their future spouse. You can look at your sibling or child and understand how beautiful or handsome God has made them, but also know in yourself that their attractiveness will become their future spouses sexuality one day, and that your spouse was made attractive for you to see them as your sexuality.
This brings us back to clothing. We now understand that sexuality is defined by marriage and a mindset, not the clothing that someone is wearing.
This is why dressing to be attractive and dressing to be sexual are two very different things.
People who are single will automatically want to dress attractively, because they want to attract their future spouse.
Dressing attractively, in a nutshell, is showing the beauty God has given you through the clothing you wear.
Whether it be something that has a colour that goes well with your skin tone, or form fitting clothing that shows how your body is built in the best way.
Dressing to be sexual is putting something on, and behaving in a way while wearing it, that only makes someone imagine you in their bedroom.
The heart behind the clothing is what defines it being attractive or sexual.
Something else I want to talk about is that you shouldn't sacrifice feeling comfortable or feeling like yourself because you're afraid guys will look at you a certain way.
If it's 100 degrees outside and you have to decide whether or not you are going to wear shorts because guys might look at you, read this very carefully.
If a man looks at you with lust or perversion, that is something he has to deal with in his heart, it has nothing to do with you.
People who say you need to cover yourself up so you won't attract a man's perverted sexual attention, is like saying you shouldn't drive your car around town because someone will want to steal it.
A burka is a prime example; in Muslim religion the woman are made to cover their bodies from head to toe so the men won't have sexual thoughts, but it still doesn't stop men from having them.
So even when we go to an extreme extent to cover ourselves up for men, it still seems to fail.
If a man has the true love of Jesus in his heart, he could have a women who is completely naked pass him on the street and he would think nothing of her in a sexual way.
My point is, never cover yourself up for other people. Wear what you feel comfortable in, wear what makes you, feel like you.
Dress with a modest heart, not what you think is deemed modest because you have to.
So if you have a pair of shorts that are your favorite colour, or a bodycon dress that is really cute to you, wear them and let your beauty shine through.
To every girl out there, you are beautiful, and you are allowed to let that show. Be you, don't cover up or dress to sell yourself for anyone, wear what you feel comfortable in, what makes you, feel like the best you.
Know that you are loved by God and that he made you, to be the most beautiful you.
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