Okay so here's what I think - all I hear is that age is the main factor in deciding if you're ready for a relationship. I don't believe that at all. I think we are all capable of having a real relationship no matter what our age. We all just need to see relationships in the right light.
I'm sure you all have heard someone in your life say dating is pointless in high school because it will never last, but my question is, why would that change when you go into college or after?
The answer is, it doesn't.
I personally know couples who had dated in high school and ended up getting married.I have also known of people dating in college or beyond and breaking up.
My reason for saying this is because it's not just a given that your relationships in high school are just going to fail, but that we need to consider the mentalities behind the relationships when they started.
From my experience there seem to be two mentalities when it comes to dating: The marriage mentality and the value mentality.
Let's start with the value mentality first.
There seem to be a lot of people who think being in a relationship makes them more valuable.
They view the relationship as a notch on their belt, with value attained from one more person who would give them physical affection.
They really don't care about the other person or the other person's needs, and they definitely do not have any plans on furthering the relationship in the future.
Most of the time they view the relationship as another sexualized experience, which gives them their artificial, and temporary value. Sadly, after they get what they want out of the person they are with, they leave, either physically or mentally, and move onto the next person in line; Because that's how fake value works, there will never be enough people to fill the void.
Love is never a part of the equation, they just want to add to the façade of value.
They need to realize that the "value" they get from how many people they've kissed, ogled, or slept with, will never satisfy them. It will always leave them feeling empty. Our value comes from God, and if a person doesn't realize this truth, they will look for value in other areas on their own. And more often then not, the place they will seek value is in relationships, and in how many people they have played.
You know it's a funny thing that I've noticed about people who have the value mentality; They are so scared of being rejected, that they reject others first so that they aren't the ones who walk away feeling hurt. And this action just continues the cycle, because the person who was hurt feels like they were left because something was wrong with them. Which leads them to go and find value from other people, causing them to go down the spiral that will only hurt them again in the end.
The marriage mentality however is a different story.
When someone enters a relationship with a marriage mentality two things happen.
One, the relationship has a purpose, it's not just two people getting together just so they can say they have someone, it's two people who actually genuinely want to get to know each other.
Two, they care about the other person, about their beliefs, their dreams, whatever is important to them.
But the marriage mentality is not just, "I'm going to marry this person".
It's the realization that the person you're in a dating relationship with is going to be someone's husband or wife one day, and you treat them with respect for that.
They walk into the relationship with the Love of Jesus.
In this type of relationship, the idea of getting value out of the physical aspect of the relationship is totally thrown out the window.
Because the physical aspect isn't the main focus, the main focus is getting to know the person.
The idea of respecting someone as someone's future spouse is so precious, because it will never leave you or the other person to feel guilty about what had happened in that relationship.
When you both have realized that intimacy should only be in a marriage relationship, and you both agree that is how things should be, the relationship already feels more genuine, and there is no pressure on the idea of performance.
You know there's this saying that I've been introduced to many times in my life, and it's "Marry your bestfriend."
And you know, I find a lot of truth in that, let me tell you why.
There are so many times where people just rush into a physical relationship, with only the knowledge of the other person's name, and a few other superficial facts.
And a lot of the time, with just as much speed as they get into the relationship, they usually break up just as fast.
The purpose of a relationship is to really get to know the person you're with, and getting to know someone takes time.
This is why I think being friends with someone before hand is so important.
Because you can take your time to get to know them, to talk about your dreams, your interests, and become comfortable being yourselves with each other.
If you focus on the emotional aspect of the relationship, it will allow for the physical aspect to be implemented slowly and naturally into the relationship. This comfortable and ideal pace allows for optimal relationship growth while avoiding the awkwardness that occurs in most rushed relationships. This along with the understanding that the act of sexual intercourse should only happen in the protective "safe place" of marriage allow for a couple to grow and care for each other without so many of the pressures that so many other relationships without this knowledge face.
The idea of being in a relationship with your best friend is awesome, because you can act as goofy as you want with each other, or call each other up in the middle of the night just to tell them a crazy idea you had.
Being bestfriends in a romantic relationship is the idea that you never have to be worried about being yourself, and that you can completely trust each other.
So, what does this all have to do with high school relationships?
Everything actually, because even as a teenager you want to be with someone who you can lean on for support, someone you can grow with, and have a future with.
And the only way you can ever achieve this type of relationship, is to have the marriage mentality. And whether or not a person understands the marriage mentality should be the only basis in determining whether or not someone is ready for a real relationship.
But what I see happening is people telling teens that they have no idea what love is or what it's like to be in a real relationship, that it's just pointless.
And you know what, they're wrong.
Because just as adults want to have a relationship with someone so do people under the age of 18.
We shouldn't discourage people from getting into relationships, we should teach people how to act in a relationship the right way.
So what is the meaning behind a high school relationship?
That people want to be loved, and I think we should encourage that.
- Rian
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